columns: According to My Sources


Dear Gossiping Bitch

By a Gossiping Bitch on August 1st, 2005

Dear Gossiping Bitch

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
Call out Gouranga be happy!!!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga ….
That which brings the highest happiness!!
– Neateye

Dear “Neateye”,
Nice try, Cruise. I read the damned book, I went to a meeting, I’m just not interested in joining your fucking celebrity cult! When are you going to face reality? Leave me alone! Thanks for reading!
– GB

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
Napster in 1927 don’t feel well in 1832
No, not now. don’t feel well
– Irvin Bentley

Dear Irvin,
Man, Napster in 1927…that’s when file-sharing was the shit, you know? None of the trumped-up bullshit you see today. I remember trading old World War I novelty songs and nursery rhymes off of Edison spools with heads around the world and everyone was cool about it. Now you go to download music and the RIAA gets all Kaiser Wilhelm on your ass. Come on, man! Music is for the people and it’s meant to be heard! Thanks for reading!
– GB

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
Buenos tardes! The ignorant classes are the dangerous classes.
Ar elwak, Bunny

Dear Bunny,
Is this your way of telling me that you’re dangerous? Thanks for reading!
– GB

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
haha you guys are funny, i just came from portland & never heard of this (“unsigned without the hype“). but considering how wack some shit is in that town, am i surprised?!
pz out & i added you as a myspace pal & posted your shit on craigslist rants & raves. as a rave.

I don’t know, are you surprised? Based on the generally low ability of Oregonian hippies to detect sarcasm or humor, I certainly am not. Thanks for reading and adding me as a myspace pal!
– GB

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
I love how you dis a christian man for rapping in response to someone who is going through some tough times to show some support. I love the comments about him not being original in his video. I love your comments about 50 cent and his little black light chop shop organized crime video. If you want to dog on someone for not being original there’s where you should turn. That was straight up jacked from gone in 60 seconds and you just ain’t a big enough man to step up and dis on someone like 50 cent. Kudos on supporting negative influences in society and turning a deaf ear to someone who is trying to do some good in this messed up world.
– Joe Sinnett

Dear Joe,
So basically, you’re saying that you love the site? Thanks for reading!
– GB

Send me all your garbled communiques and foolhardy missives! Then, you can consider my non-response to be a harsh life lesson: human interaction is futile.

Tags: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.