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GB-Lite Debuts

By a Gossiping Bitch on October 27th, 2004

Gossiping Bitches Inc. today announced the debut of their latest web venture, GB-Lite. The site features a more graphic-intensive design coupled with less complex articles, reviews, and features, a combination they’re hoping will please non-fans old and new alike.

“We received a lot of emails, phone calls, faxes, and smoke signals from people saying ‘I love your site but sometimes the articles go right over my head’ or ‘I’ll click on an article and it’s just all words and I kinda zone out — it’s overwhelming’ or ‘Your site makes me feel stupid,'” said a Gossiping Bitch. “Others have mentioned they don’t have the attention span to wait for quality material,” I added. “Someone even said ‘Maybe if you were to flip on 45, so I could dance to it.’ I mean, that doesn’t even make sense.”

The GB-Lite concept arose during a mysterious two-month hiatus for the original website. “We had some downtime due to a pending lawsuit and we took the opportunity to turn our minimum security prison cell into a think tank of sorts — the question was ‘How can we do GB but with a lot less effort?’ The answer: GB-Lite.”

Bitch noted that GB-Lite plays more to “low” readers and “jax” fakers – more frequent updates, lots of easy to digest sub-par content, and an onslaught of images to distract from said sub-par content. “Peep the homepage, we got jokes about ugly females up there right now — everyone gets that. Yo, they’re ugly! Ha! But it’s like the crowd is yelling ‘How ugly aaaarrrre they?!’ Well, we’ll tell you just how ugly with our ‘Ugly Meter’ — oh snap! We in the business refer to that as ‘Comedy Gold.’ Make sure you put that in there.”

Many are wondering whether GB-Lite can keep their promise of consistent updates, especially given the erratic publishing schedule of Gossiping Bitches. According to Bitch, readers need not worry. “It’s really genius in its simplicity — we don’t waste time coming up with new content, we just retread what’s already been done. Like The Gay Rapper, for instance — we had top veterinarians confirm that this horse could still be beaten despite the fact that it’s already dead and has been in terrible shape for quite some time. I mean once we got clearance, we broke out the bats and went to work. Ten minutes later, ‘Hello homepage!'” Other topics slated for upcoming features include “Who Really Won: Nas vs Jay-Z” and “Eminem: The White Rapper.”

“We feel confident that GB-Lite will be an appealing alternative to those who find Gossiping Bitches a bit too original,” Bitch proclaimed. “We’re committed to making this work and are willing to do the half-assed work required to keep this site afloat. We’ve dedicated a great deal of resources to GB-Lite, even going so far as hiring a new staff whose sole job is to keep the site on the cutting edge of dull comedy. And for those critics who said that Gossping Bitches was un-PC, the GB-Lite staff is comprised entirely of homosexuals. What’s up now, motherfuckers!? Make sure you put that in there.”

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