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Senator John Kerry Asks Public to Vote, Holla Back

By a Gossiping Bitch on June 23rd, 2004

Shoreline, MD &mdsah; Speaking from the deck of his docked yacht in Maryland, yesterday, Presidential hopeful John Kerry delivered a rousing speech beseeching the American public to vote in the polls this coming November.

“Now, more than ever, it is time for people to stand up and be counted. I want each and every eligible American to be at the polls this year, casting their indemnable vote for whomever they think will do the best job.” said Kerry before a crowd of four-hundred. “Of course, if you think I am that person,” he added with a smirk, “then by all means, holler at your boy.”

This comment comes on the heels of similar slang-infused remarks that Kerry has made during recent weeks of his campaign. Detractors see it as a transparent ploy to get the Black vote, but Kerry denies it. “Fools is player hating, plain and simple. This is just the way I talk, I can speak before a room full of dignitaries and carry myself with the standard grace and aplomb, or I can kick it with the homies.” As an afterthought, Kerry added, “These homies—be they Black, White, Latino, or Asian—they are all quite thorough.”

Kerry insists that the cornerstone of his campaign is to get young people more involved in politics. “Voter apathy is the scourge of this great country,” Kerry said from his boat, “and if I can incite more people to vote, even for the other guy, then I will consider my job done. I ain’t gonna front, though, I would like to be president.” After some light laughter from the crowd, Kerry added, “Feel me, fam? No homophobia.”

Senator John Kerry Asks Public to Vote, Holla Back

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