news: Guess What I Just Heard


“HHS-ychic” Hotline to Open

By a Gossiping Bitch on November 4th, 2004

HHS-ychicOnline hip-hop retailer HipHopSite today announced plans for a psychic hotline. The fee-based service, to be named “HHS-ychic,” will allow callers to listen to HipHopSite employees making bold predictions about hip-hop culture.

“From an early age, people always suspected I had a gift,” said un-certified psychic, part-time Ed-from-Sandbox hater, and full-time honky Pizzo. “I just started getting these visions. They started small, like when I foresaw that Casual was not dead – I had no proof, but I just knew. Once I had that vision two years ago that the Helter Skelter album would not see the light of day, I was like ‘Ok, this is getting weird.'” His latest prediction, though, is what finally convinced Pizzo he did indeed have a sixth sense. “It’s undeniable now. How else could I have known that Jay-Z’s retirement would, in fact, not be a retirement at all? I mean, most people were like ‘I guess that?s it for Jay-Z, going out at the high point of his career and passing up a ton of money’ — but not me.”

Pizzo is referring to the item in this week’s News On the DL, a weekly column that promotes items in the site’s online shop disguised as news and rumors, where he states, “At this moment, I would like to remind ya’ll about all the trash talking I was doing in this column some 12 months ago, speculating Jay-Z’s retirement. And I quote on 12/16/2003: ‘Okay, so Jay-Z may have finally hung up the mic for good. It’s possible, but don’t count on it. My personal theory is that he is going to take two years off, rather than the usual annual break between albums?'”

Pizzo went on to further his argument, managing to actually type “beeeeeleeeeeeeive,” and closed with the eerily prophetic phrase: “I promised you that this was not the end.”

With his Jay-Z prediction proven correct, Pizzo felt he had enough proof that a psychic hotline could work. “When you?re blessed with a gift like this, you just don’t want it to go to waste. It’s like I have Preemptive Hype of the mind!” Though no official launch date for the hotline has been set, Pizzo predicted things will be up and running sometime in early 2005. And anymore juicy tidbits we should know about, Pizzo? After closing his eyes and shaking violently for forty-five seconds, he left us with this: “Let’s just say, I’ve got a funny feeling the new Eminem album will sell very well…very well, indeed.”

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