news: Guess What I Just Heard


Kobe Bryant, the GB Scoop

By a Gossiping Bitch on October 29th, 2003

Source: LA Times, Chicago Tribune

Since the Los Angeles Lakers have been stealing a lot of the Gossiping Bitches thunder, in terms of being gossiping bitches, the hybrid international espionage/sportsdesk thought it only proper to set the record straight. Here is what a bunch of pro athletes are really saying about Kobe Bryant’s case.

“He’s right,” Shaquille O’Neal said, “he doesn’t need advice on how to play his position, but he needs advice on how to play team ball. As we start this new season, [stuff’s] got to be done right. If you don’t like it, then you can opt out next year. If it’s going to be my team, I’ll voice my opinion. If he don’t like it, he can opt out…I ain’t going nowhere. Plus he never should have raped that bitch.”

Tracy McGrady talking about Kobe also infamously said, “Stick with your wife” Tracy went on to say, “Stick with your wife. And don’t fuck white cavebitch groupies. You know? It’s common sense. Stick with your wife. I mean, first he had to marry a Latina chick. Now he’s butt-fuckin Colorado snowflakes. My shoes outsold his big time. Also, he sucks at basketball.”

Tiger Woods, “Yeah, I thought I putted well on the front 9, and was able to get out of some jams. I didn’t putt so good on the back 9, especially the last few holes. It’s pretty disappointing. You spend all that time on something, just to be denied at the moment of truth. But, hey, sometimes you just have to accept the fact that you cannot get it in the hole. Trying to force it only makes it worse. Just give it another shot the next day. I mean, any man who can’t do that is not really a man, you know? Like Tracy McGrady. He might be my neighbor but Tracy McGrady is stupid. Kobe knows what’s up. White sluts can suck a mean dick.”

Michael Irvin, “Now. I done raped tons of women back in my day. Me and Larry Allen used to run trains on ho’s against their will on the regular. [Expletive] we used to have a designated rape RV out at the Cowboys practice facility in Valley Ranch. But the thing of it is, Kobe’s stupid. He got caught. That’s stupid.”

Finally, apropos of little, Mike Piazza commented, “I used to have this problem in high school. The girls couldn’t understand why I always preferred making my deliveries through the back door. You could imagine my frustration. But I don’t have that problem anymore. Speaking of being a total homo, I just want to let Kobe know that he can call me anytime for support if he wants to talk about being gay and shit like that. Oh wait, Kobe ain’t gay? Oh well. Who wants to talk to me about being gay?”

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