Microsoft today announced that rap group Odd Future has signed an endorsement deal to promote its Xbox Live online video game experience.
“I saw them scaring a white girl on Jimmy Fallon and thought, this is the future,” said Microsoft Director of Programming Larry Hryb. “See what I did there?”
Asked if Microsoft was concerned about a possible negative reaction to its choice, Hryb replied, “Let’s go back to what I did there. I made a clever pun, sure, but I also made a point of where I feel race relations in this country are headed. Odd Future teaches us that you can have both fearsome black imagery and the kind of just-clownin’-around vibe that makes all white people feel comfortable. No, I’ve never heard of Public Enemy, so don’t ask.”
Freshman Sociology level views of race aside, industry analysts explain Microsoft’s interest in Odd Future by pointing out that the group’s constant stream of well worn rap expletives and homophobic and racial slurs closely matches the actual experience of playing competitive video games online with adolescent males all over the world on the Xbox Live network.
“Look, it’s a no brainer,” said Hryb. “Literally. No one involved in this deal has a brain. I may have a Microsoft email address, but keep in mind I’m in marketing.”
As for the group, with the concept of selling out long since losing all meaning in hip-hop, its members are thrilled to be getting paid in a way it had no chance of doing otherwise.
“WeNIGGAareBITCHhonoredFUCKthatFAGGOTaSHITcompanyBITCHsuchNIGGAasFUCKMicrosoftFAGGOTwouldPUSSYentrustSHITusBITCHwithFUCKrepresentingBITCHitsNIGGAnamePUSSYinFUCKpublic,” said the one guy with the stupid name.
“This is a wonderful opportunity for Odd Future,” agreed the other guy with the other stupid name. “We look forward to proving Microsoft right, as we mature as human beings and show other corporations that we can partner with them to fulfill mutual business goals that…that…uh…fuckfuckfucknigganigganiggafaggotfaggotfaggotbitchbitchbitch…[panting]”
When reached for comment, Mos Def tried way too hard.