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John Kerry Promises to Remix War in Iraq

By a Gossiping Bitch on April 25th, 2004

John Kerry Promises to Remix War in IraqWest Palm Beach, FL (AP) — At a campaign stop on Monday, presidential candidate John Kerry revealed to supporters his plan to start from scratch in Iraq and “remix” the entire war.

“My fascination with hip-hop is well established,” Kerry told reporters questioning his motivations, and sanity, following the speech. “While some of my opponents on the other side have accused me of flip-floppin’ on my hip-hoppin’, all you have to do is review my Senate voting record to see that I’ve been down since Elizabeth got the crown, clowns.”

Kerry admitted to the crowd that while he did support the war in Iraq, the Bush administration went about it in completely the wrong manner, resulting in the current shitstorm.

“Here’s what we do: Let Saddam out of prison, re-install him into power, let him adopt a couple of replacement sons, and attack him again,” ranted Kerry. “But this time, we’ll build a worldwide coalition, gaining the trust and support from such international tastemakers as France, China, Cuba, Al Qaeda — everybody! So, we’ll take the acapellas from the Bush administration and mash them up with the policies of Harry S. Truman. I assure you all, it will be hot!”

All in attendance showed their approval of Kerry’s bold statements by throwing their hands in the air and waving them in a manner which suggested they didn’t care.

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