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Midget Finds Himself in Grownup Clothing, Malkovich Game

By a Gossiping Bitch on January 22nd, 2004

As Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo prepare their respective hardware successors, video game developers have already begun work on software for the new, high-powered systems of the future. In what is becoming more common in hiphop music, rap artists are cross-licensing not only their music, but their likeness as well into all forms of popular entertainment. The largest proponent, perhaps, of this new lucrative business in the video game sector is Electronic Arts, most popular by their “EA Sports” brand of video games.

In the past, the publisher has embraced hiphop culture wholeheartedly in games such as NBA Street, Need For Speed Underground, & most recently with Smoking Dust; all titles are littered with iconic hiphop songs, imagery and sensation. So it’s no wonder to see Electronic Arts begin a new process it has labeled, “E.A.R.F.” or Electronic Array Reflection Fabulous. It allows the game makers to digitally scan a rapper’s body and place them into stunning, photo-realistic environments.

The jump-off for this new technique will be a licensed video game adaptation of the Spike Jonze-directed, “Being John Malkovich”. The game picks up where the movie left off, in the bizarre “3rd and a half floor”; a place seemingly out of time and out of space, as the narrow and claustrophobic halls and ceilings force the game player to battle dwarfish midgets that resemble the popular m.c., Fabolous (although, as the developer is quick to assure us, is only coincidence.)

Adapted for the hiphop youth culture, the game will replace Malkovich as the movie’s protagonist with a young, urban, street-bred rapper called, Eatin’ Mics. While the film took place in Manhattan, the game shifts its focus to Philadelphia, where long, white t-shirts have abducted many of the city’s young inhabitants with a bizarre form of fabric mind-control that E.A. is referring to as, “Consumerism.” It is your job as the video game player to infiltrate the 3rd and a half floor’s Gopher Yourz Records, and collect as many white t-shirts as you can in a bid to save hiphop’s youth.

“I’m sayin’, god,” muttered Eatin’ Mics through a chew stick in regards to his newfound virtual success. “I ain’t sweatin’ shit. Small people, they be havin’ a Cot damn good motherfucking reason to smile and shit thanks to E.A.R.F.”

In this Gossiping Bitches exclusive, we have obtained the very first image from thie Malkovich game, “Being John Malkovich: Gopher Yourz Invazion.” Notice the stunning, lifelike visuals provided by the new, next-generation hardware. Pictured is the E.A.R.F. manifestation of Eatin’ Mics as he protects the 3rd and a half floor:

Hiphop culture is a huge, worldwide enterprise. And we at the Gossiping Bitches can’t wait for more polygons in our P. Diddy cereal.

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