news: Guess What I Just Heard


Thug Rappers Outraged by Seinfeld Actor’s Rants

By a Gossiping Bitch on November 25th, 2006

The nation is still reacting to the shocking comments of actor/comedian Michael Richards at a Los Angeles comedy club last weekend. All talk of never-ending foreign wars and crippling economic inequality at home has been put aside, as Richards’ racist taunts have become Issue #1 on the national agenda, closely followed by Heisman Trophy winner O.J. Simpson’s equally shocking desire to make money.

Kramer been down with black folks?

White people have publicly gasped at Richards’ brazen use of the “n-word,” yet privately lamented their inability to say nigga at will. Cable news show hosts are balancing their outrage over the comedian with their outrage that O.J. didn’t come to them first. Gloria Allred has shown no change from her perpetual state of outragedness. Hip-hop blogs and message boards are in full agreement that this is the Face of Racism and we should all shun it with as much force as our keyboards can sustain.

The reaction of those in the real life hip-hop community has been similar. Thug rappers have taken a break from selling drugs and killing people to share their thoughts on the incident with GB.

“It’s shameful,” said Pusha T of Clipse, who wanted us to report that this would be his last actual phone conversation before he switched to Verizon Telepathone. “I got an upcoming mixtape appearance where I compare his decline to that of a slinger. It’ll be out soon, so go out and get it as a stocking stuffer. Hey, ‘stocking stuffer,’ that’s a funny word! I wonder if I can somehow make that into a pun for criminal activity…”

The Ying Yang Twins stopped bugging out long enough to offer this: “It’s too much ugliness and negative things out there, you know,” the one who dyes his facial hair said. “Yeah, a lot of ignorance in this world,” the one who makes that annoying noise all the time agreed.

Our offices received one call from someone we can only assume was a member of G-Unit because he was mumbling incoherently. This was confirmed that evening when we received this voicemail:

“Yo, this is P, know I’m saying. M-O-B-B, know I’m saying. I’m now the motherfuckin designated interpreter for the Unit. Moving up in the organization! Well, regardless, they want me to tell you that there’s no place for that sort of bigotry in a civilized society and shit. You get a nigga coming ’round our way talking that nigga-nigga stuff, know I’m saying, a nigga get dropped then and there, no further discussions.”

California’s the Game doubted Richards’ relevance, noting, “His whole career was based on riding the coattails of other dudes. How can you even take him serious? Anyway, you think my N.W.A. tattoo needs a touchup?”

When reached for comment, Stanley Crouch said he completely agreed with the point of this piece, which frankly made us rethink the whole thing. If John McWhorter approves too, we’ll go ahead and delete it.

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