news: Guess What I Just Heard


Wait a Minute Me Too, Other R&B Singer Announces

By a Gossiping Bitch on February 3rd, 2013

In the wake of singer Frank Ocean’s brave public admissions concerning his sexuality, the media’s brave collective embrace of his statements, and the music consuming public’s brave purchases of his album, R&B crooner Choklit Gramm has with great courage released his own statement:

oh my where to start. start from the beginning. of life of love of the wonderful and the wicked. i cant explain fully what is in my heart anymore than you can anymore than obama can or anyone else. all i can say is that for the past 2-3 years i have been surreptitiously doing something that i feel has to see light now. i see other people doing this all the time and i feel i should stand beside them because it is only right. there is no shame in it. only love and exhilaration and beautiful light. here it is: i have a new album dropping feb 19 digitally and the week after in stores worldwide.

Choklit Gramm announces new releases

oh my god it is so good to reveal that. further details might come out later or something i dont even know. all i know is ive been hiding it for too long. people i think maybe guessed already but are very polite in not asking or even expressing interest in what i was doing. privacy is valuable and thanks to everybody out there for not really playing my music or following me on twitter or visiting my website. now that ive said this people can see that its okay to start listening to my songs and buying my music and showing up at my concerts. i am grateful and humbled by your secret love and support of me. im here to say it is okay to come out of the small room where you keep your clothes and old books and stuff and say i am down with chok and lets everybody buy his album.

Further details on the album were bravely released by Gramm’s record label almost concurrently with his statement. It will be called Chok Full of Luv, to be available in various editions described below:

Choklit Gramm announces new releases

Digital Release
– 12 song album
– Price: $3.99 on Amazon ($2.99 after promotional code), but only after you have already bought it for five times that much elsewhere

Independent Record Store Release
– 12 song album on quadruple vinyl, because you have room in your house for this kind of shit, apparently
– Handwritten note from Choklit Gramm that may or may not discuss his sexuality
– Price: $5.99. That’s per side. There are a lot of sides.

Compact Disc Release
– 12 song album
– Nothing else, not even liner notes
– Continued confusion over Choklit Gramm’s sexuality
– Price: The shame of buying a CD in 2013

Deluxe CD Release
– 12 song album, plus 5 bonus tracks deemed superfluous or redundant or below par the first time the album was sequenced, yet somehow not including the songs from the mixtape that were better than anything on here
– Beautiful essay written by Choklit Gramm sharing, analyzing, and cataloguing every one of his sexual experiences, using a variety of pronouns and gerunds
– Price: What they used to charge for these worthless pieces of plastic in the 90s

Special Best Buy Only Release
– 12 song album, plus 5 bonus tracks, plus 3 more bonus tracks (just picture a Snickers bar with an extra hunk of nougat attached to it…awesome, right?)
– Tender and fearless clarification of essay from Deluxe Release after everyone got the wrong idea about Chocklit Gramm’s sexuality
– Gang of other shit, because hopefully Best Buy will be liquidated by then and we won’t have to make good on any of this
– Price: What the market dictates in a society free from government interference through job-killing regulation, or $29.99, whichever is more outrageous at time of sale

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