Okay, do you really need back-story on Raekwon? You know all this shit already. If you need structure in your life, insert any other mag’s intro here and just read the fucking interview. You know we’re not getting paid for this, right?
Gossiping Bitches: What’s up, Rae? A lot of time has passed since your last album, and certainly since the first Only Built…, which gave birth to a lot of today’s…
Shallah Raekwon: Nah, kill that shit now, son. Everything is the same as it was in 1995. Respect that reality.
GB: Come again?
SR: I’m saying, the time you think has passed has not come to pass. In your mind, you are back wherever you were when you thought Wu-tang was the best out there.
GB: College?
SR: Exactly.
GB: I’m in college now? Grad school didn’t happen, I’m not divorced, and I didn’t get laid off last month? Because these things seem pretty fucking real to me, Lex.
SR: That is the mind’s eye tricking with your intelligence, God.
GB: “God”! I remember when you guys used to call each other that! Me and my friends would do it too. Pretty funny, huh?
SR: You’re not listening, boo. You and your friends are where you were back then. You’re appropriating our culture right now, as we speak. You never got over it.
GB: True indeed. Knowledge is born.
SR: Right, whatever.
GB: So, this new album has a lot of different producers…
SR: Nah, nah. RZA is in charge of everything. He has the blueprint, and the Clan just follows it to perfection.
GB: And Ghost has returned as your partner in the drug lord adventures you take us through.
SR: His debut album is forthcoming.
GB: But… oh yeah. Yeah, that kid is going places. The album cover is interesting too. Purple.
SR: It is the purple tape. Niggas is gonna call it the purple tape. You got your redtops, bluetops. Now you got your purple tape.
GB: Tape? I just downloaded it off a torr…
SR: No. No. No. It’s the nine pound, son. You’re still buying music. Anything with the Wu logo is an automatic purchase. And who could argue? Our batting average is impeccable. The shooting percentage is crazy bountiful.
GB: Right, but you put out that Immobilarity — which isn’t really what they were saying in Godfather III, incidentally — and that shit was the steamingest pile of moose shi…
SR: Hold up, hold up. I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is my debut. The RZA has a plan, and this is my chamber I’m taking you to right now. Every album is a Wu-tang album. And Godfather III, I’m not even sure about that, but I bet it’d be…
GB: It’s alright. It was out by then.
SR: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, that movie was terrible.
GB: So what’s next for the Wu-tang Clan? I’m the first person to ask you that in a while, huh?
SR: RZA is already in the lab, formulating our follow-up to 36 Chambers. Shit got to be right, because that album is a classic. We can’t fuck up the legacy with filler material, outside producers, and collabos with Snoop Doggy Dogg. This is the Wu. We a close knit unit. Whatever RZA produces, we gonna roll with it.
GB: Great. I’m actually on board with this delusion now, since I’d rather forget like three of those group albums. Okay, that’s it for me. I look forward to buying the purple tape, scoring liquor (they totally don’t card at a place I know), and paging that one girl I met in Psych class. She knew who you guys were! So cool!
SR: That’s right, lord. Everything is as it was. Spend your money freely, knowing that hip-hop is at its apex. You won’t regret a purchase when you know the quality is always gonna be there. Peace to the gods.
GB: Cypher divine.