Contest: Admit You’re a Newjack
July 12th, 2004
Gossiping Bitches & Lex / Warp Records Presents:
Let’s be real with each other now. You know and I know that you’re a newjack, there’s just no denying it. Sure, with search engines and your hip-hop MP3 library on hand, you can feign expertise, but it’s painfully obvious to many that just a little while ago, you didn’t know Grandmaster Flash from Grandmaster B.
9/11 Commission Hears Testimony from Hip-hop
June 1st, 2004
The National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States (“9/11 Commission”) has returned to the capital from its 3 night hearing May 28-30 on “Evil-Doing as Hip-hop’s 5th Element”. While the Commission wasn’t set to officially reconvene until June 16 for its twelfth and final public hearing, its members voted unanimously to travel to New York for an unofficial hearing, “on the DL”.
Breaking Up Is Suprisingly Easy to Do
May 24th, 2004
“We got a little tired of some of these black rappers we’d never heard of getting our money,” Timothy McPaid of Sworn Enemies explains, digging the hole deeper. “Like, um, Defari, or MURS, and motherfuckers like that. It’s like, I don’t see them on BET or anything. Or Direct Effect, none of that shit. That lazy-eyed La La bitch isn’t playing their shit. But look all up on Sandbox or some of these other underground hip-hop retail internet stores, and they’re everywhere! That’s our target market! White people. They’re on our turf.”
Fake Thug Court Is in Session
May 12th, 2004
The amazing career of Tupac Shakur cannot be pigeonholed with such labels as “fake thug,” “homo thug,” or “total fucking sham.” No, Tupac rose above all those mere terms and made fake thuggery an art, and his records canonize the rules and morals of a fake thug. Who else could be such a convincing on-wax tough guy that people think of him as a “West Coast ridah” and forgot he was actually a lousy East Coast rapper who called himself MC New York?
Interview from the Afterlife: Gordon Jump
April 15th, 2004
This week’s Interview from the Afterlife took me to the home of former child star Emily Schulman who played Harriet Brindle on the long-running TV sitcom Small Wonder. You may remember her as the horny next-door neighbor who played the foil to virgin/gay/fat son Jamie Lawson. Since the conclusion of Small Wonder, Schulman has been working as a stagehand at the local dinner theater, an escort (as I found out via an exquisite hand job), and an amateur medium.
C-Lig: The Chameleon Homie – Part 3
March 26th, 2004
“RZA used to say ‘dude’ a lot around that period,” C-Lig recollects. “And he stuttered too, of course. So, he was like, ‘Du-du-du-du-dude, I am the RZA! What you talking about?’ And then he was trying to say something else, but all that came out was that ‘du-du-du-du’ shit.”
C-Lig: The Chameleon Homie – Part 2
March 24th, 2004
1990 – C-Lig, while standing on a ladder painting a studio wall, spills a can of white paint on an unsuspecting young rapper named Kwame walking below. The resulting splatter of paint on Kwame’s hair and clothing give C-Lig all kinds of horrible, horrible ideas. The Polka Dot Revolution is born.
C-Lig: The Chameleon Homie – Part 1
March 22nd, 2004
Crews, posses, teams, cliques, clans, squads, sets, armies, butt boys, teddy bears for adults ? whatever the hell you want to call these people, they are the scourge of hip-hop. How so, you ask? Uh, have you been paying attention to what has been happening in rap lately?
What’s Up Your Ass? An Interview with Roosevelt Franklin
February 23rd, 2004
For a children’s TV personality, Roosevelt Franklin sure doesn’t like much publicity. Being that he is the only black Muppet on PBS’ Sesame Street television show, Gossiping Bitches wanted to procure an opportunity to pick at the muppet’s yarn, as it were, and see what makes him tick. The thing is, however, it proved harder than we originally anticipated.
Troy Walsh Is Not of the Culture: An Interview
February 5th, 2004
The GBs have decided to endorse our own white rapper. The selection process was long and arduous. The pickings were slim, and hopes were fading fast. But then we came upon the answer to our prayers.