Reunited, and It Feels So Hood

Ah, blessed hip-hop: Loved by teen-aged girls, purchased by White boys, documented by Asians. Mostly produced by blacks, who managed to survive an attempted coup in the late 90’s to early 00’s by White rappers angling to replace them. This ultimately failed, thankfully, as these White rappers were exposed for the Eminem knockoffs they were. The world could barely stand Eminem himself, much less 700 other navel-gazing drug-addled joyless funkless flowless holess clones of him, and they were relegated to underground obscurity where they belonged. They thought they could get over just like him, but were rightfully rebuked. Still, a question remains: Just who the fuck did these people think they were? Clearly Em’s breakthrough encouraged them that it was their time too, but how could they delude themselves into thinking that they would catch on solely because of the color of their skin?

Enter Sworn Enemies, the White rap group covered by this website since they came on the scene (or at least, attempted to come on the scene) in 2003. Originally New York professionals, the group members — rappers Killa Josh and Timothy McPaid, DJ Dow Jones — quit their high paying financial sector jobs to pursue careers in hip-hop. Buoyed by early media coverage and hipster buzz, the group released their debut album, No Really…Don’t Date Black Girls, to a lukewarm response. Even online retailer Sandbox Automatic declined carrying the album at a certain point due to lack of interest, and those guys will sell anything. It was at this point that things fell apart for the group, resulting in their breakup. Timothy McPaid was the first to break away, releasing a mixtape and appearing in the Gossiping Bitches series “I Hate the Everything.” The breakup was anything but amicable, however, as McPaid traded barbs in the press with the remaining members, Killa Josh and DJ Dow Jones, and dis tracks were fired back and forth between the parties. Curiously, after the dust settled, the group members made up, reformed and have now relocated to Los Angeles to plan for a U.S. tour and new album. We caught up with them at Dow’s apartment to discuss their breakup and sudden reunification — that is, until the Gossiping Bitch assigned to do the interview had enough.

A Gossiping Bitch: So, what the fuck is a matter with you people?

KJ: Fuck you! That’s what’s up with us. Fuck! You! You all and your fake ass website have been fucking us over like bitches. You don’t think we see that shit, motherfucker? Always calling us the “White rap group” such and such, the “White rap group” this and that.

T McP: The “White rap group” so and so.

KJ: Always capitalizing the W, making a big deal out of that shit. I’m gonna turn you out if you talk shit again. Try me, motherfucker. Just try me.

GB: I’m just wondering why you guys got back together, because it seemed like there was a lot of bad blood. Like, on one of his dis tracks, Timothy referred to Josh as “a hypeman who’s neither hype nor a man.”

T McP: Well, you gotta look at that in context.

DJ DJ: Yeah, I think there was some nuance there that you may have missed.

KJ: Words. My name ain’t Tasty Taste, motherfucker.

DJ DJ: A lot of groups are getting back together, though, right? Brand Nubian was touring. Digable Planets. Seems like people are willing to put aside their differences and do it for the love. Put aside the differences, put aside the electric bill, put aside back taxes — and come together for the love of music. And to make money.

GB: It’s interesting that you bring up those groups, because they actually released albums and built fanbases the first time around. So years after people stopped checking for them individually, they could still come back together and cash in. Whereas you guys don’t have to worry about that.

DJ DJ: Yeah, that’s a good point. We haven’t really had all that much … wait, did you just dis us?

T McP: Another reason we got back together was because people didn’t seem to care that we were beefing.

GB: Tell me, why did you guys move from New York to L.A.?

DJ DJ: New York is getting out of hand. The hip-hop situation is fucking wack now. Real lame. It’s like, if you’re not up on Hot 97 all the time, then nothing is happening for you.

KJ: Word, fuck Hot 97! Don’t know shit about real hip-hop!

GB: Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of people who can’t get played on there feel that way. Until they get played on there.

KJ: Word, fuck Hot 97!

DJ DJ: It just seems so fake now. The whole scene is phony. All these hip-hop documentaries being made, so the kids in East Bumblefuck, Kansas can be down.

T McP: Shit gets sad when they’re not making them, though. For the old school hip-hop guys, I mean. It’s like they don’t have anything else to do. One time I saw Grandwizard Theodore explaining the origin of the scratch to a Manhattan lamppost.

GB: Okay. So, why L.A. then?

T McP: Well, from what Defari and MURS said, White rappers get over real nice out here! Big shout out to those dudes. They really inspired us to come out. In fact, I think they’re opening up for us at a show we’re doing next week.

GB: How do you like it out here?

DJ DJ: It’s cool. The people are funny. They’re still living in New York’s shadow. Look at how they latch onto The Game. “Finally we have someone who’s relevant outside of California!”

KJ: And the underground rappers act like they’re not underground!

T McP: Yeah. It’s like they think if they mention Too Short enough times in their raps they’ll be playas too!

GB: Speaking of raps, your new single, “The Great White Dope” — which you may want to change the title of — has a singing hook that goes, “I can fly higher than a Negro, ’cause you are the screen beneath my weed” Are you concerned about how people are going to react to that?

DJ DJ: Yeah, I know what you’re saying. Will heads get down with a re-interpolated Bette Midler hook? Well, I don’t think it matters if they recognize it or not.

GB: Actually, I meant the actual words. Don’t you think they could offend some people?

KJ: Are you offended, you little bitch?

GB: I think I’m past that point and now just feel pity. Who’s the singer on there?

DJ DJ: That’s my girlfriend Shana. I met her out here. She’s got a beautiful voice. We all agreed. We’re gonna do everything we can to put her on, because she’s an amazing talent. She’s also my manager now.

T McP: [indiscernible murmur]

DJ DJ: Yeah, I figured, if she could manage a place like Starbucks, she …

T McP: [loud coughing]

GB: What was that song you were playing me earlier? Is that new? It sounded familiar.

DJ DJ: It’s us doing Tupac and Dre’s “California Love.” Except we do it in a really funny way. The concept is that Tim will play an acoustic guitar, and we’ll sing the lyrics really slow and monotonous, in a really White tone of voice. Man, we played it that way for a frat house the other night, and those dudes went crazy. It was incredible. We said we had to do more of these ironic covers of rap songs in the future if heads are feeling them so much.

T McP: Yeah. The kids seem to like the old gangsta rap songs the best. “Nigga” sounds really funny when you say it in a White voice.

GB: Holy Christ.

KJ: Word, that shit is hot, yo! We’re running shit in ’05.

GB: But you guys are actually rappers! I mean, when pop punk bands and folk groups pull that shit, those guys are all crackers anyway, so it doesn’t matter. But you guys should actually know better! You should know how wack and racist that shit is! Fuck man, I return to my first question: What the fuck is a matter with you people?! I don’t know why I was even assigned to talk to you guys. You’re everything I think is wrong with rap, White people, America — everything! I can’t fucking take it anymore. Interview over.

DJ DJ: You’re cutting it off? But we’re the ones getting interviewed! Where the fuck are you going, motherfucker?

KJ: What a fucking bitch! When I’m done with this beer, I’m gonna go after him and fuck him the fuck up. Yo Tim, did you really say that shit about me?

T McP: What shit?

KJ: That I was Tasty Taste. I ain’t no Tasty Taste!

T McP: What the fuck are you talking about?

DJ DJ: Yo, kill that shit. Shana’s home. Get your feet off the table, she doesn’t like that. And get those bottlecaps off the…oh, hi honey, how was your day?

Shana: When are we going to move into a bigger apartment? You always have your friends over here.

DJ DJ: I’m sorry. They’re leaving soon.

T McP: Maybe he could afford something better if you’d stop spending his money and actually get him some work. You tonedeaf cu- …

Shana: So the truth comes out! I know you’ve always hated me, Tim! I told Dow that he doesn’t need you guys anymore, and now he can see why!

DJ DJ: Wait, goddamit! Somebody is knocking. Oh, it’s you. What the fuck do you want?

GB: I forgot the tape recorder.

KJ: You also forgot this! [slapping sounds]