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“Final Solution” Found for Scribble Security Concerns

By a Gossiping Bitch on August 15th, 2005

Scribble Jam 2005

This past weekend’s Scribble Jam hip-hop event went smoothly despite security concerns that had previously lead organizers to threaten cancellation. They dealt with the logistical problems of searching all attendees’ backpacks by banning them from the premises altogether. But another, less publicized security issue presented itself as ticket holders began queuing outside the venue, forcing Scribble Jam’s promoter, Klaus Hoeppner, to come up with an alternative check-in plan.

“We had a lot more minorities in the line than anybody had originally calculated,” explained Hoeppner. “I mean, we’re talking at least 8, even 9 percent. There has been concern on a national level about people of color being unfairly treated in security checks, so I wanted to make sure we eliminated them — the concerns, I mean. I thought that, rather than random selection, why not just bring everybody in first, and that way no one would get salty about being held back for a pat-down. Cutting in line may be bad etiquette, but in this case it was good social policy. [chuckles]”

Implementing the security plan was another event organizer, Joe Bels. He went outside and rounded up all non-Whites waiting in line, leading them inside to a specially constructed “Final Solution” booth for evaluation.

One witness recalled Bels’ comments to ticket holders: “He was like, ‘If you’re darker than a tooth, hit up the Final Solution booth. This is for the best, trust me. Klaus has all your happiness in mind, you must never doubt this. If you are next to someone who should be going to the booth but failing to come forward, then point them out and we will come for them. If you are unsure if you should be going to the booth, then come anyway, just to be safe. If you are handicapped, you can also come forward. The booth is where you all belong. Do not be afraid of the booth. Your worries will be alleviated, and everything will become clear to you once inside. Hip-hop will be all the better for this, because of the booth. Now, let’s go.'”

Scribble Jam went off without any further complications, offering attendees a variety of hip-hop related activities and entertainment. Hoeppner also noted that the MC battle was particularly fierce this year. “All the performances were amazing,” he said.

In an unrelated story, the Federal Bureau of Investigation is looking into an unusually high number of missing persons reports in the surrounding area, but had no official statement at press time.

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