Gossiping Bitches Presidential Endorsement

Let’s face it: There are plenty of reasons to vote against all of these people, or to just go the KRS route and vote for crazy. But on November 2, when you’re staring down a ballot giving you a “choice” between Squinty, Longface, Lazy-Eye, and 7 other dudes you never heard of, what the fuck are you supposed to do? Well, like all other aspects of your life, Gossiping Bitches is here to direct you. We endorse John Kerry for President and Peter Camejo for Vice President.

Now, you may see this endorsement as a politically motivated, agenda driven attempt to influence our audience, who trust in the objectivity and evenhandedness of the GBs. Well, our audience will believe what we tell them to believe, so mind your own. After all, we have reported on the most important issues of this election: Kerry’s promise to remix the war in Iraq; President Bush’s subsequent attack on Kerry’s hip-hop voting record; Kerry’s call for voter unity; the 9/11 Commission’s hearings on hip-hop; Bush’s continued attacks on Kerry’s downess; and the very old and wacky Supreme Court.

Indeed, by endorsing a particular candidate, we intend to voice our concerns about the last four years and the direction our country is headed in. This election is very much as backward looking as it is a decision on future policies. In 2000, when Bush took office, those citizens not pulling their hair out over butterfly ballots thought, “meh.” It was a non-event — just another politician taking power who will have little effect on our lives. By that line of thinking, there was not much difference between the candidates at all. Still, there were some people who saw the election of Bush with hope towards the future, optimistic about new possibilities. Normally we would have dismissed these people as fools, but something about their appearance made us think again: the baggy jeans, the unnecessary backpacks, the germ-ridden chew sticks, the pasty skintones — Yes, these were hip-hoppers!

“The Golden Era was during Republican presidencies,” they told us. “Reagan was in the 80’s and the first Bush took us to ’92. That was that hot shit!” A new Bush presidency, the theory went, would bring about a surge in creativity and spawn artists that would stand alongside the greatest in hip-hop history. Which seemed true enough. After all, hip-hop’s rise paralleled the American right’s rise, and they both seemed to decline at the same time, under the free love, do-it-if-it-feels-good Clinton administration. Thus, Bush’s election, coupled with a Republican Congress, seemed to signal the dawning of a new day for hip-hop, musically. Well, four years have passed and we are compelled to ask: What the fuck happened?

W’s election was a catalyst for hip-hop? What is the evidence of this? The New Danger? Electric Circus? Was “Hey Ya” a commentary on the neo-conservatives taking our country on an ideological crusade through the Middle East without any regard for the consequences or implausibility of their Cobra-like plans for world domination? How many rhetorical questions can be asked in a row?

The fact is that despite a Republican dominated government, a renewed movement towards censorship in the media, and an ever widening divide between the haves and ain’t-got-shit’s in this country, hip-hop has continued to fall the fuck off, continuing a downward trend begun in the late ’90’s. Rich rappers have no real problems with Bush once they get their tax returns. Underground rappers sound either like Michael Moore spokesmen (Mr. Lif) or those deranged Angry Black guests always invited to talk shows to represent African Americans (Dead Prez). Neither extreme is particularly inspiring. As for White rappers, their leader, Eminem, has dropped “Mosh” to let the TRL nation know that, yes, there are things to be angry about other than how hard it is to be a famous rapper, which we all could relate to. (Hiphopsite’s boy was last seen on Saturday Night Live doing pretty much what Ashlee Simpson was accused of doing, even letting his voice on record finish some of his lines, since apparently Proof was too busy driving a taxi or something.) While his point (or his video’s point?) about the backdoor draft is well taken, his continued fetish for Sledge-O-Matic beats makes this song as unlistenable as the rest of his shits. Other White rappers making some political noise include Sage Francis and the Beastie Boys. Yep, it’s enough to make you vote for Bush just so the world will end as soon as possible.

Yet we still hope for a better future for hip-hop, and that means voting Kerry. Perhaps it’s time for a reevaluation of the idea of which party hip-hop is better off under. After all, hip-hop began under the Carter administration, and enjoyed some of its best years under Clinton. Right wing oppression is not bringing out the best in us, it’s bringing out the nerdiest. You know hip-hop is going bad when groups that have been gone for a decade are reuniting — old rivalries and past bitterness tend to get pushed to the side in the face of lack of job opportunities for washed up MC’s and an opening in a market occupied by mumblers with dull beats. How important is the hip-hop issue in this campaign? Our polling, conducted at record stores, head shops, and high school cafeterias, tells us it ranks high above Iraq, terrorism, Social Security, healthcare, the deficit, judicial attack on civil rights, and all that other hot shit. John Kerry is the man to lead us to a new hip-hop future. Why? Because he’s not George Bush.

As for our endorsement of Reform Party Vice President candidate (ha!) Peter Camejo, we have taken the unusual step of endorsing a split presidential ticket for one reason: He has an ethnic sounding last name. Now, you’ll have to check with your local election supervisors to find out if it’s even possible to vote for two people on different tickets at the same time. We just don’t know. The GBs are made up of people who either are not registered to vote, disenfranchised due to felon status, or “have totally got other shit to do” on November 2. If you run into any problems at the polls, we urge you to hire a lawyer and raise as much hell as possible. Everybody else is.