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Sought After Performer: Interview with Lil Kil

By a Gossiping Bitch on August 25th, 2010

Gossiping Bitches sat down with the touring Lil Kil at Stucky’s Bar in Charlotte for a wide ranging discussion on his life and career. It actually got none of this. Originally, GB was excited at the opportunity to interview Lil Kil. Perhaps expectations ran too high. Ultimately, GB left the night wishing it had not bothered to go in the first place.

Gossiping Bitches: Um. Hello?

Flipbird: Yo, how y’all feelin out there?! I go by Flipbird!

GB: Hi. Is Lil Kil here? I was supposed to meet him at 8. It’s now 10:30.

Flipbird: Who here to see Lil Kil? Everybody give it up for my man Kil!

GB: Wooooh! Yeah, is he coming here soon?

Flipbird: Before he come out, we got some answers for y’all. We got four answers to give.

GB: That’s okay, I’d really like to just speak with Kil.

Flipboard: He’ll be on right after us! We got time for one more!

GB: But I’m not here to see you. I’ve now waited three hours and no offense, but I don’t know you.

Flipbird: One more time, give it up for Lil Kil!

GB: Wooooh! Does that mean he’s coming out now?

Flipbird: He’ll be on soon. My name is Flipbird, good night! Peace!

Many, many hours later…

DJ Laptop: Yo, how y’all feelin out there?!

GB: Not good. I’ve waited here all night to see Lil Kil. Drank a bunch of $9 Heinekens, and now I’m broke and not really buzzed anymore.

DJ Laptop: Here he is, the man, Lil Kil! Give it up!

Impostor Lil Kil: How y’all feelin out there?!

GB: You’re not Lil Kil. You don’t even look like him. You’re like thirty pounds fatter.

Impostor Lil Kil: Good night everyone, peace!

DJ Laptop: Okay y’all. Technical problems. Here is the real Lil Kil, give it up!

GB: Wooooh! Finally.

Lil Kil’s Hypeman B-Hye: How y’all feelin out there?!

GB: For god’s sake, can I speak with Lil Kil?

LKHBH: Here he come, the man, Lil Kil, give it up!

Lil Kil: How y’all feelin out there?!

SOY: Like complete shit! Anyway, my first question is why go solo now? You were trying to get the Knockheadz project off the ground and just let that go?

Lil Kil: I thought it was time for me…

LKHBH: to move on!

Lil Kil: We got fucked around…

LKHBH: by motherfuckin record labels!

Lil Kil: We had interest in signing…

LKHBH: with Kanye or Lil Jon!

Lil Kil: But ultimately felt disrespected…

LKHBH: like hos in the stables!

GB: Why is he finishing all your sentences for you?

Lil Kil: [huffing, puffing]

GB: Are you out of breath already? After one question? Well, here is another one. With the success of your mixtape, will you now do a whole album or just another tape? People tend to have lower standards for tapes. I feel weird even saying tapes, considering I haven’t seen a cassette in ten years.

Lil Kil: Hold on, I got an answer for you. Yo, my man, hit #3 on there…

Lil Kil’s Prerecorded Voice Emanating from DJ Laptop’s Laptop: I am working on my album…

Lil Kil: Working on my album…

LKPVEDLL: I got the hottest producers in the game…

Lil Kil: Hottest producers…

LKPVEDLL: I’m picking beats and calling up rappers and indie rock luminaries to collabo on some tracks.

Lil Kil: Rappers…white faggots…collabo…tracks.

GB: Did you really need a guide track for that answer? You couldn’t remember it otherwise?

Lil Kil: Yo, the sound is fucked up! Fuck that! Turn the tape recorder up!

GB: I’m using my iPhone. It’s fine, really.

Lil Kil: Fuck that! One more question and I’m outta here.

GB: What?! It’s 4 in the morning, I’ve been waiting all night to see you, and now you leave after twenty minutes? Fine, okay. Last question. Where do you see your career going? Rap is a pretty fickle industry, I wonder how anyone makes a living doing it.

Lil Kil: While I didn’t have luck with the…[picks up phone and points at GB]

GB: Knockheadz?

Lil Kil: I am coming with the hot new…

GB: shit?

Lil Kil: Taking over this rap industry, so I don’t even give a…

GB: fuck?

Lil Kil: And if it don’t work, fuck it, I’ll go back to…

GB: Preying on society by selling drugs and robbing…hey, wait a minute! Now you got me finishing your sentences! Is it that hard to answer questions fully? Aren’t you supposed to be a professional? You’re not physically able to do the thing you get paid to do?

Lil Kil: All right, we outta here, peace! To all the ladies, we at the Marriot, room 245! Afterparty, heeeey!

GB’s Girlfriend: 245.

GB: Now you’re hitting on my girl?! How is it that you can maintain popularity while fucking people over all the time?

Lil Kil: I am one of the most sought after performers in hip-hop.

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