columns: According to My Sources


Backroom Whispers

By a Gossiping Bitch on June 28th, 2004

Looking at the office Gucci, it’s about that time to break out the Henny and the wet, and start making up a new bunch of bullshit for Backroom Whispers. First up, let it never be said that the GBs don’t own up when we get it wrong sometimes. In the last update, we told you how Diddy had dropped $10m on a loft apartment in NYC earlier this year. Well, it turns out that the cost was only $3.65m. Now we got that out of the way, we can tell you that he got bored with the place and it’s now back on the market at $4.3m. Don’t all rush at once.

Some of you may remember the Rev. MC Hammer marrying Corey Feldman and his girl Susie Sprague on the set of WB’s carcrash/reality TV show The Surreal Life last year. Apologies if you’ve been trying to forget about it. We began to wonder what the wedding album might look like after a GB associate recently spoke to a photographer who did some work for Feldman back in the ’90’s. This guy was hired to shoot some “boudoir” photos of Feldman’s then-squeeze as a Valentine’s present. He arrived at Feldman’s place to discover a tacky “fantasy bedroom” set in the living room. Like a true pro, he fulfilled his contractual duties, which turned out to be taking shots of Feldman fucking his girlfriend, and trying not to throw up when Feldman insisted that he took several Hustler-style close-ups of his cock inside his girl’s cooch. Feldman also talked about having slept in Michael Jackson’s bed, but not about whether Mike was in the bed at the same time.

Mack Of The Month: Justin Timberlake, who likes to hit up girls he meets when he’s up in the club with one of those cheap-ass business cards you get at the mall, printed with just a cellphone number and the words; “Justin–Insurance Broker.” Gully as all get out.

What the fuck is Larry King doing wearing adult diapers anyway?

Is James Gandolfini a major asshole? Or does he just take himself way too seriously? He got a surprise visit from the Queer Eye For The Straight Guy cast on the set of The Sopranos recently. Upon hearing the words; “Hi there! Ready for your makeover?”, Gandolfini got mad, saying “get the fuck away from me!” When this was ignored, he yelled; “Who the fuck let you in here? Turn those cameras off! NOW!”. The producers thought Gandolfini would be amused, but didn’t take into account his recent sense-of-humor bypass. Gandolfini sulked in his dressing room until the Queer Eye crew left the set.

Used to be that a cast-iron way to get Charlie Sheen pissed would be to tell him how great he was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. A friend of the GBs witnessed this first-hand in Rome a few years ago now, when Charlie got rushed by a bunch of Italian teenagers gushing about his performance in that very movie. He got a little angry at them, muttering: “I was in Platoon! I was in Wall Street! Why the fuck does everyone keep talking about Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?” He’s since figured out a way to fuck with all the Ferris fans and, when asked about what his next movie’s going to be, he usually replies; “We’re about to start shooting Ferris Bueller 2, which is, of course, bullshit. Frankly, we can’t see what Charlie’s got to be pissed about anyway. He’s done more drugs than the whole of Guns’N’Roses combined, was getting it off of nasty-ass Ginger Lynn for a minute, and is now tapping Denise Richards’ ass on the regular. By the way, we’d love to be able to tell you exactly how he met wifey, but it’s kinda libellous. Let’s just say “mutual acquaintance” and “Heidi Fleiss”, and leave it there, huh?

Nas’ fiancee, fine-ass Kelis, may be a pretty big star in Europe, but who knew that the future Mrs. Escobar loves to get her knit on? No Cris-and-ecstasy orgies for her, nuh-uh. She’s part of a secret celebrity knitting circle in London, and has taken to flying her girls over to NYC for extra lessons. Nas is said to be secretly relieved, as all her knitting videos were beginning to take up too much space in their apartment.

Blind item time: which reality TV star likes to get fucked up on Vicodin to such an extent that she can barely string together a sentence when being interviewed? Apart from the stock celebrity tantrums (demanding champagne, treating her personal assistant like shit), she’s been known to come on her period in the middle of a photo shoot and throw her dirty panties on the floor for someone else to pick up. No simple life for her.

Now that venerated English jeweler Garrard is overtaking Jakob as the leading supplier of iced-down thingamajigs to New York’s hip-hop cognoscenti, the 270-year-old company’s creative director, Jade Jagger, is doing more and more promotional work in the Rotten Apple. Her conditions for complying with this are that Garrard provide her with a first class flight and that Pharrell Williams is there too, so she can fuck him, something Pharrell has strenuously denied ever having done. Jade’s PA was recently overheard bemoaning how she had to book her “another fuck trip to the States”. Oh, and for a guy who wears that much pink, we hear that Pharrell sure has some old-fashioned opinions on homosexuals.

Mark Millar, creator of the comic-book Wanted, has been playing the media like Colecovision with his story that Eminem will be playing the role of Wesley Gibson in the forthcoming movie version of the book, that Em was a big fan, and that Em was even co-producing the movie, all of which is a crock of shit. Em’s people are pretty mad about how their boy’s been played like this, especially now that Millar’s sold the movie rights for a gang of cash on the back of all the publicity, and is now talking about how great Colin Farrell would be in the lead role.

In the lab: ex-Tricky vocalist Martina, with Timbo and Andre 3000 on duty behind the boards. Also, the Jacksons reunion is on. A few months back, Tito told the Hollywood Reporter that a reunion was under consideration, but it was put on ice shortly afterwards. Something to do with some court case or other. Anyway, writers and producers are now getting involved, and we understand that Quincy Jones has had a phone call.

The Lil Flip/T.I. beef is drawing battle lines in the southern sand. Of course, Trick Daddy is siding with T.I. because of his preexisting beef with Flip, and he’s bringing most of Miami with him. Flip, meanwhile, has most of the old Suave House artists on his side, and he does have Houston on lock—except, curiously, Scarface, who ain’t trying to get involved in beef between two artists whose careers combined don’t equal half of what the Fifth Ward’s finest has accomplished. Amusing side note: Ludacris offered to throw the support of his Disturbing the Peace posse behind fellow ATLien T.I., but his offer was rebuffed because DTP “ain’t hood.” One can only assume Luda was also kicked to the curb because he could serve each and every person involved with this upcoming war (and also because he blew up some major dope-dealing spots). The South shall rise again!

Wanna know the real reason Mase is back? One word: publishing. As in, he now owns his publishing. Puff ain’t too happy about it, either (and was heard screaming up a storm during closed-door negotiations with the mush-mouthed wonder, leaving an office full of broken furniture in the wake of his fury), but he also is smart enough to realize that a sliver of the action is better than no action at all. Bad Boy for life, or at least until renegotiation!

This is so obvious, it barely warrants mentioning, but the reason Shaq took some very ill-advised shots at Skillz is because of the formerly Mad one’s quip on his spot-blowing cut (and GB office favorite) “Ghostwriter” that he did “NBA cats and NFL/But I stopped in ’97 cuz that shit don’t sell.” Why did Shaq wait until now to fire back? Well, it took Captain Hip-Hop, aka The Big CL Smooth Biter, a couple years to actually hear the track, by which time he was fully preoccupied with basketball–you know, his actual job–to fire back. But seeing his season crumble, he decided to vent. Why he would try to start shit with the man who battled Supernatural to a standstill (or even beat him, depending on who you ask) when he can barely even put a sentence together is beyond us.

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