columns: According to My Sources


Dear Gossiping Bitch

By a Gossiping Bitch on March 31st, 2005

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
How do you guys pay to keep the site running?
– Joe N.

Dear Joe N.,
We at Gossiping Bitches, Ltd. have several forms of income that keep the site running. First and foremost is our drug-smuggling ring, which nets us the most money and dap on the streets. Connected to this venture is our highly profitable and philanthropic work in purchasing babies from impoverished nations and reselling them to Americans so that they may be raised White. More recently, we’ve also taken mad payola from the William Morris Agency to hype up M.I.A. over the next several months (Look for interview, ***** review of Arular, and photospread coming soon on!) And lastly, we allow preorders and take money for merchandise that we have no intention of producing. Interested in your own t-shirt? Only $20 postage paid! Thanks for reading!

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
thought you might be interested in reading this and see what you thought of it .
For the last week Hot 97 has been running a hideously unfunny and offensive skit named “Tsunami Song,” that ridicules the victims of the Tsunami as “ch*nks” whose children will now be sold into child slavery. It’s being played on the station’s morning show, hosted by Miss Jones.”
– mindful

Dear mindful,
You’re damned right that shit is unfunny! “Sold into child slavery,” indeed! These kids make 40 cents a week manufacturing Nike sneakers! Last time I checked, “slave” was un unpaid position. Thanks for reading!

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
Your site is the best……..the hiphopsite spoof was fucking hilarious…….i just had to write to the geniuses behind this site……….oh and did you see that they gave “the game” album a perfect review 5/5…….HAHAHAHAH please make fun of this ……………..
– aneudy v.

Dear aneudy,
No problem making fun of this………….your syntax is terrible and you use improper punctuation……….I assume all of these periods are supposed to be ellipses…………but they are neither properly executed or used…………..maybe you should brush up on your literacy before taking someone else’s writing to task………thanks for reading!

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
Was your interview with Edan real?

Dear McCoy,
Of course the interview was real! Edan, however, is a completely fictional construct. Thanks for reading!

Dear Gossiping Bitch,
How about updating this more often Its a GREAT SITE!!!!
– Fosureman

Dear Fosureman,
When will you ever be satisfied? I slave over a hot website day in and day out and it’s still not enough for you, is it? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START APPRECIATING ME FOR WHAT I AM AND NOT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE, FOSUREMAN?! Thanks for reading!

Send me all your questions, comments and threats, and I promise to get back to you asap! That is, of course, unless I don’t.

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